Okay, here we go. The first thing that impressed me about this story was the character voice. You're getting so good at it I'm thrilled and jealous. Buffy's dialogue in this one is virtually indistinguishable from her canon dialogue: witty and self-aware and genuine. I just skimmed for a favorite line and there were too many choices. Angel and Giles and Cordelia were great, too, and none of them are easy to write.
Second thing, and this was extra cool because it made me think about writing, is that you're showing a knack for balancing the narrative. That is, you know when to describe a scene in detail and when to summarize it, when to give us dialogue and when to switch to description, and just as importantly, how to transition from one to the other. I'm particularly thinking here about Buffy confronting Giles after she's Chosen, and then the paragraph opening with "And because a man disappeared in front of her last night" - which neatly covers the relevant action from the next day AND shows us the wider picture of how Buffy's life has changed, all without the slightest disruption to the pace. That's something I always have trouble with and I like analyzing how you manage it.
As for the story itself, did I spy you saying somewhere that you had ideas for expanding on this AU? Because I would read the hell out of that. I loved seeing the way this change in environment changes Buffy's relationships - we're all so familiar with the characters, but they're so different in alternate circumstances that it's both exciting and painful to recognize them. Just imagine, Buffy feeling like Giles' second fiddle...and never even making friends with Willow and Xander.
But of course there's two sides to the coin, and we get to see Buffy and Angel building a solid friendship instead of falling into a doomed romance. (Love the title, by the way. Trust is everything here, and the climax shows us clearly how Buffy and Angel catch each other at the crucial moment.) Jenny and Giles look like they've got a fighting chance this time around, too, and I don't think it will take long for Cordy's big heart to emerge. Also, it's fascinating and very believable that Queen C is non-Slayer Buffy's #1 friend. They're both good people inside, but they needed influences outside of each other.
I'd love to see you throw some kind of new disaster at the new B/A power team, something that has nothing to do with Gypsy curses or losing each other's support. This cast has enormous potential, especially when you consider alternative ways for other characters to be introduced.
Awesome story, so long and lovely and unexpected. Thanks a million!
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Second thing, and this was extra cool because it made me think about writing, is that you're showing a knack for balancing the narrative. That is, you know when to describe a scene in detail and when to summarize it, when to give us dialogue and when to switch to description, and just as importantly, how to transition from one to the other. I'm particularly thinking here about Buffy confronting Giles after she's Chosen, and then the paragraph opening with "And because a man disappeared in front of her last night" - which neatly covers the relevant action from the next day AND shows us the wider picture of how Buffy's life has changed, all without the slightest disruption to the pace. That's something I always have trouble with and I like analyzing how you manage it.
As for the story itself, did I spy you saying somewhere that you had ideas for expanding on this AU? Because I would read the hell out of that. I loved seeing the way this change in environment changes Buffy's relationships - we're all so familiar with the characters, but they're so different in alternate circumstances that it's both exciting and painful to recognize them. Just imagine, Buffy feeling like Giles' second fiddle...and never even making friends with Willow and Xander.
But of course there's two sides to the coin, and we get to see Buffy and Angel building a solid friendship instead of falling into a doomed romance. (Love the title, by the way. Trust is everything here, and the climax shows us clearly how Buffy and Angel catch each other at the crucial moment.) Jenny and Giles look like they've got a fighting chance this time around, too, and I don't think it will take long for Cordy's big heart to emerge. Also, it's fascinating and very believable that Queen C is non-Slayer Buffy's #1 friend. They're both good people inside, but they needed influences outside of each other.
I'd love to see you throw some kind of new disaster at the new B/A power team, something that has nothing to do with Gypsy curses or losing each other's support. This cast has enormous potential, especially when you consider alternative ways for other characters to be introduced.
Awesome story, so long and lovely and unexpected. Thanks a million!